Reflection - Happy New Year!

So 2013 has come and gone, 2014 is upon us. I've always liked New Years, because it is a fresh start and it's easy to have an optimistic out look on the year ahead. 2013 was probably the year from hell for me. It all started in late 2012, and just seemed to be non-stop for the entire year. I will say I wouldn't change it, because even bad experiences help you grow. They help you find yourself, and they help you move forward.

I saw my mom go through re-hab twice, she's had slips here and there..but all in all she is doing ok. My dad had an affair, stole money from he and my mom's retirement accounts, 401k's, checking accounts..etc, and my parents are in the middle of a messy divorce. I was told in March that I would be losing my job, but shortly(and very fortunately) there after I bounced back and found a new job still doing what I was doing. I put myself out on a limb and dated this past summer, it was a lost cause as usual. I am really hoping that 2014 can bring me some love. I am ready and wanting it to happen. As much as I enjoy being single some days, I feel the lonely days outnumber them. I have never been the girl who has to have a boyfriend. I will say I do get inwardly jealous on occasion of lovey couples. It just makes me feel like there really is something missing in my life. I don't need to put my identity into a man, but it'd be nice to have a partner.

I'm really ready for my parents divorce to be finalized. I'm ready for my dad to pick up the pieces he left scattered on the ground. Some days I really do want to call him up and tell him I forgive him. Other days I just hope he wallows in his own self pity. Some days I feel so bad he lives alone, other days I feel he deserves it. It's still such a battle with my emotions. As hard as it was to go through the holidays without him, it was probably the best thing to do. I just don't believe he is being honest, or really has any idea what he's done. Part of me thinks he's just a sociopath. It's really sad and infuriating.

I was also diagnosed late this year with a tumor to my pituitary gland. Doctors still do not know the cause, or why/when it happened or how long I have had it. It's very small, only 3mm in length and only on one side. Still it's never a comforting thing to be told "So yes, you do have a pituitary adenoma". It is non cancerous, and I am being treated with medication. It's just typically in women who have pituitary adenomas it's usually a sign that they may have irregular periods(which I don't). It's just very bizarre. I followed up with an Endocrinologist on Monday. Basically after she looked at my test result numbers, it was determined that I am basically insulin resistant(pre-diabetic). Cool, Heather. Hah.I have had a weight problem my entire life. I have tried and failed so many diet programs. Basically the way this woman explained things it all made sense why losing weight was such a god damn struggle for me. Because of how my pancreas and body work together to process sugar and food it's pretty much impossible for me to lose weight without some sort of medicinal regulation. So I was put on Metformin. Which makes me feel like I'm 55, but whatever. I'd rather be told this now at 27, be told it is preventable, than wake up and be told the opposite and be well into my adult hood. I have researched Metformin and people do/can lose weight on it. It's not a miracle drug in the sense that you sit back and you just shed pounds. But with proper exercise and diet, it can be a lot easier to shed the pounds for those that struggle to lose weight. I have always had a fluctuating weight, it just goes and packs on over night I swear. I'm just about 5'8" so my body fat weight kind of spreads evenly.. but still I'm not at a healthy weight by any stretch of the imagination and I know this. I truly have no choice but to get on some sort of life style plan and exercise. I have to stop making excuses and cut the bullshit. I just have to.

I am hoping that 2014 will bring some major life changes for me, good life changes. I am ready.... so bring it on!

I hope you ladies had a Happy New Year! :)